I have always, I mean always, found peace and contentment in my solitude. I enjoyed it. I sought it out. I needed it. My solitude allowed me to process thoughts, heal, and center myself. But this week my solitude was displaced rather abruptly with sadnesss and what I discovered was truly and simply, loneliness.
*Cues Janet Jackson*
*Singing* I get so lonely...Can't let just anybody hold me
I had been on high after intense social engagement from the past weekend and honestly my life (my job, social life, community, church, everything). By social engagement I mean, being out and about with friends, folks, & fun. I love people and deep connections. This is why being lonely came as a complete surprise, and was honestly, extremely difficult to acknowledge and accept. I never thought I would be the lonely one for all the common sense reasons. Because, again, I'm often in very people-centered settings sharing my heart and connecting and I do like my solitude. I often prefer it and need it. ( I guess I’m still trying to convince myself)
But this past week something told me that it wasn't solitude but rather, I was lonely.
Well, that something was really my mom.
She simply said, "You’re lonely. Cam, you don't have anyone to come home to. No kids. No dog. No man."
So this week, I found myself trying to understand & reconcile how I got to this place of loneliness. In this week's podcast confession I share
1) the harsh reality of being single
2) why I hate single's event
3) why I do need/want that relationship