Updated: Dec 12, 2019
For a large part of my life, I've subscribed to the societal ideology of "being a good girl." I believed the benefits of performing as a good person would, beyond a shadow of a doubt, lead me to success, joy, and happiness. And it did, but only to a certain extent. I followed the rules in school, in church, and in social activities. And for that, I have a great collegiate record, great friends, and great relationship with community members.
These benefits even followed me through adulthood and even into the beginnings of my professional career. And why wouldn't they? because who doesn't like good people? People that are kind, sincere, and non-malicious. These were all the great things that being a good girl produced. But what I didn't realize is that my version of "good girl" was tainted. While it added many of these great pieces to my life , it also began to strip away at my core, my authenticity, who I was.
This detrimental idea of "being a good girl" lead my decisions and I also reasoned it as a foundation to my success. (Insert hearty chuckle) This didn't negate the requirement of hard work and sacrifice (try me....this hustle is uncanny) but I sincerely thought the act of kindness and following the rules would create an extra downpour of blessings.
That ain't how it work.
"Being Good" Lesson #1: You do good because that's who you are, not because of what you'll get in return.
And because that's not how it works, well, it didn't. I consistently found myself on the losing end of things I sincerely desired. And to add salt to the wound, all the time while I was working hard at "being good," I saw those that did not follow the same rigid rules, succeed in areas I yearned for. I saw career shifts, freedom being birthed, and folks getting the most out of the ebbs and flows of life. Please understand, this does not mean a utopia of bliss and blessings for the rule breakers or dark days and depression for myself, but I knew I was missing something, something so very important that these other folks had. Something that kept them winning and me proverbially losing.
So for almost two years, I observed the practices and approaches of losers and winners in my life, my circle, and in society. Now I am sharing the things I consistently saw, that I believe, kept me in the loser's circle. In this chat, licensed clinical therapist, Danielle Moore of the Refresh Wellness Center and I, break down why I, along with many others, were losing while trying to be a good girl.
Let it Free YOU!